Friday, April 10, 2009
We played a fun birthday party last night. I got a knuckle tat that says "TUFF SHIT" and gave someone else one that said "BONE LESS". Then we danced in the living room by ourselves for a long time, occasionally roping others in to the melee. They didn't have our dedication though. We met a rad Oakland band called The Splinters, so if you're one of those million people that asked us in Austin if we knew the Splinters, the answer is now YES.
Monday, April 6, 2009
HI! We're back from TOUUUR. Actually we've been back for liiiike over a week. But that's okay. We spent two weeks on the road and it was totally awesome.
Here...I will tell you the strange abridged tale.
Day 1 - Las Vegas, NV. Played at the Double Down Saloon. Kevin Seconds was scheduled to play the next day. They gave us about 50,000 drink tickets but I didn't need to use very many because drunk people kept buying me drinks and just wouldn't stop! During our set there was some feedback and a bunch of weirdos in the crowd kept trying to fuck with the PA. Like, not even people that worked there, just assorted bystanders. I said, "Y'all never heard some feedback before?" Get over it. This was my first time in Las Vegas. I saw a Hooters. We slept on the floor of Roll The Tanks's hotel room. Also one of the bands covered a Sublime song. Like...really? Now? Las Vegas, man.
Day 2 - Phoenix, AZ. Played at a laundromat. It smelled so delightfully fresh! The cops came at one point and I was SORT OF worried but not really because the dude who set up the show, whose name was Rocky, was totally sweet and innocent. The cops came in, asked the people who were there doing their laundry if they minded that there were bands playing, the patrons said no, and the cops continued on their way. Phoenix, man!!! We slept in the van in the parking lot of the hotel Roll The Tanks stayed at. We ate at Waffle House the next morning.
Day 3 - Las Cruces, NM. Played at a boy named Walker's house. The house was old and big and had a big huge yard and there were big huge mountains too. The party was super fun and it turns out that Walker and his roommates are THE BEST. Me, Scott and Kayla made a fire in the backyard, and some ultra strange hippie dude kept talking on and on to me about some fucked up hippie orgy that I "really need to go to at least once". Back off, fool.
Day 4 - Our van was having some technical difficulties, so we just hung out at Walker's house. The weather was really nice and we got to hang out on the front porch all day long. We ate pizza and watched a really bad movie called The Fear which was so bad and nonsensical that I couldn't even understand it. By the by, has anyone seen a movie called "Boyfriend School"? If you're reading this you probably have because it has Steve Guttenberg in it. At night a bunch of people came over and we made another fire.
Day 5 - Drove to Austin, TX. Drove all night. Drove for a very long time. Welllllll actually Danny did most of it.
Day 6 - Austin TX. We arrived in the city at about 12 noon. Then we went to see our friends Mean Creek from Boston, who were playing a show somewhere. We got free beers and I offered a lot of people carrots, but not many people wanted them. The bartender, however, DID want some carrots and in exchange he gave me and Kayla delicious strawberries and grapes!!! Like for real, most fucking delicious strawberries and grapes I've ever tasted. Then we went to Mothra and Georgia's house where we got to hang out with Earth People Orchestra. They played a show there later that night and it was super fun. We set up a tent in the backyard which is where we lived for the next 3 days. I think we all tried to go to shows that night.
Day 7 - Austin TX. We played a show at the Trailer Space and it was really awesome. The Earth People came and ended up playing in the woods behind it. Kayla and I got 10 COMPLETELY sweet records for $5. Then we went to the Clementine Coffee Bar and played again there. It was a very strange show, but they offered us unlimited free beers. I went up to the counter and said, "Hi, can I have a free Pacifico?" and the person seemed to have absolutely no idea what I was talking about. Then I was like, "You just told us we can have free beers right?" and he explained the deal again to me, which basically was that we had unlimited free beers. So then I said, "Can I have a free Pacifico?" and he gave me one. That night we hung out with Ganglionn and Earth People, and it was super fun.
Day 8 - Austin TX. We played at the Austin Moose Lodge, where I found a Fun Dog. We made him hang out with us. Then we gave him a ride to a show he was playing with a new band called The Hermit Thrushes. The show happened to be at the Trailer Space, and our friends The Dashing Suns from Oakland happened to be playing as well, so we hung out, drank free beers, and Kayla and I got two more extremely sweet records including The Archies - Everything's Archie. Then we went to a party at The Space Cave and hung out in a tent made of denim.
Day 9 - Austin TX. We went to Gay Bi Gay Gay and watched Purple Rhinestone Eagle for the second day in a row. They rule. Then we went back to the Space Cave, where Kayla smeared mud on the bodies of two men. They were asking for it though, literally. At around 9 PM we set off for Tulsa.
Day 10 - Tulsa OK. We hung out in a park and swang on swangs. We met an extremely old man with two extremely old dogs. The old man had never left Tulsa, and was nice. Me and kayla walked through a rose garden of sorts, but it was stupid. Then we went to the show at The Monolith. We played with a ball called "The Mono-ball" and laughed way more than people in their mid-20s playing with a ball should. There was a cute puppy there and a cool dude named Evan working the door. For some reason he seemed to like us and we became fast friends. Only 4 humans and one dog saw us play that night. We stayed at Evan's and tried to watch the Duck Tales movie.
Day 11 - Began our drive to Denver, CO. We slept in the van at a rest stop in Kansas and when we woke up, there was snow covering everything.
Day 12 - Denver, CO. We played at the 3 Kings Tavern. Immediately upon our arrival, we noted that there was a back room complete with a bucket full of icy cold beer, soda, and water. And a sign saying FUCK YOU IF YOU DRINK THIS AND AREN'T IN A BAND. not in so many words but you get it. Soooo we were pretty fucking ecstatic about that. Cuz you know how when you play at a bar, and you get free drinks, but you have to go up to the bar to get them and then you feel like an asshole not tipping the bartender? Well there was none of that here friends. None whatsoever. Oh, and free weed. We stayed at Kayla's cousin's house and got yelled at by her asshole landlord who was a fucked up old lady.
Day 13 - Provo, UT. When we woke up in Denver it was already snowing pretty heavily which sucked. We headed out but the roads were really bad. It took us so long to get to Provo that we missed the party we were supposed to play, and kids thought we were assholes. However, there were still some people there when we arrived, and we immediately started drinking any alcohol they had. I took a shot of their homemade pepper vodka, which was absolutely fucking disgusting. I hate pepper in the first place so I don't know what I was thinking. Me and Kayla beat some dudes at darts and then hung out with a mormon boy named Bret until 5 am.
Day 14 - Reno, NV. We played at the Eyeball which is a house that this rad kid named Donovan lives at. They had a Spring Fling party and it was REALLY FUN. Nate locked the keys in our van at one point, but a slim-jim man came from the house and helped us open it. This party fucking ruled.
Day 15 - Oakland, CA. It only took us about 3.5 hours to get home which was awesome. We had a party at Nate's house which is a fucking giant warehouse in east Oakland. The Squid Bros. Circus Sideshow performed, which was a guy and a girl dressed up sort of as weird clowns. Like, they had weird make up on and stuff but I wouldn't really call them "clowns". They entertained us with feats such as the nail walk and the sword swallow. There was a lot of fire involved as well, and when they were finished the man clown invited anyone willing to staple money to various parts of his body including his scrotum sack which I missed because I was in the other room for like 2 minutes. Fuck it all.
The End.
Here...I will tell you the strange abridged tale.
Day 1 - Las Vegas, NV. Played at the Double Down Saloon. Kevin Seconds was scheduled to play the next day. They gave us about 50,000 drink tickets but I didn't need to use very many because drunk people kept buying me drinks and just wouldn't stop! During our set there was some feedback and a bunch of weirdos in the crowd kept trying to fuck with the PA. Like, not even people that worked there, just assorted bystanders. I said, "Y'all never heard some feedback before?" Get over it. This was my first time in Las Vegas. I saw a Hooters. We slept on the floor of Roll The Tanks's hotel room. Also one of the bands covered a Sublime song. Like...really? Now? Las Vegas, man.
Day 2 - Phoenix, AZ. Played at a laundromat. It smelled so delightfully fresh! The cops came at one point and I was SORT OF worried but not really because the dude who set up the show, whose name was Rocky, was totally sweet and innocent. The cops came in, asked the people who were there doing their laundry if they minded that there were bands playing, the patrons said no, and the cops continued on their way. Phoenix, man!!! We slept in the van in the parking lot of the hotel Roll The Tanks stayed at. We ate at Waffle House the next morning.
Day 3 - Las Cruces, NM. Played at a boy named Walker's house. The house was old and big and had a big huge yard and there were big huge mountains too. The party was super fun and it turns out that Walker and his roommates are THE BEST. Me, Scott and Kayla made a fire in the backyard, and some ultra strange hippie dude kept talking on and on to me about some fucked up hippie orgy that I "really need to go to at least once". Back off, fool.
Day 4 - Our van was having some technical difficulties, so we just hung out at Walker's house. The weather was really nice and we got to hang out on the front porch all day long. We ate pizza and watched a really bad movie called The Fear which was so bad and nonsensical that I couldn't even understand it. By the by, has anyone seen a movie called "Boyfriend School"? If you're reading this you probably have because it has Steve Guttenberg in it. At night a bunch of people came over and we made another fire.
Day 5 - Drove to Austin, TX. Drove all night. Drove for a very long time. Welllllll actually Danny did most of it.
Day 6 - Austin TX. We arrived in the city at about 12 noon. Then we went to see our friends Mean Creek from Boston, who were playing a show somewhere. We got free beers and I offered a lot of people carrots, but not many people wanted them. The bartender, however, DID want some carrots and in exchange he gave me and Kayla delicious strawberries and grapes!!! Like for real, most fucking delicious strawberries and grapes I've ever tasted. Then we went to Mothra and Georgia's house where we got to hang out with Earth People Orchestra. They played a show there later that night and it was super fun. We set up a tent in the backyard which is where we lived for the next 3 days. I think we all tried to go to shows that night.
Day 7 - Austin TX. We played a show at the Trailer Space and it was really awesome. The Earth People came and ended up playing in the woods behind it. Kayla and I got 10 COMPLETELY sweet records for $5. Then we went to the Clementine Coffee Bar and played again there. It was a very strange show, but they offered us unlimited free beers. I went up to the counter and said, "Hi, can I have a free Pacifico?" and the person seemed to have absolutely no idea what I was talking about. Then I was like, "You just told us we can have free beers right?" and he explained the deal again to me, which basically was that we had unlimited free beers. So then I said, "Can I have a free Pacifico?" and he gave me one. That night we hung out with Ganglionn and Earth People, and it was super fun.
Day 8 - Austin TX. We played at the Austin Moose Lodge, where I found a Fun Dog. We made him hang out with us. Then we gave him a ride to a show he was playing with a new band called The Hermit Thrushes. The show happened to be at the Trailer Space, and our friends The Dashing Suns from Oakland happened to be playing as well, so we hung out, drank free beers, and Kayla and I got two more extremely sweet records including The Archies - Everything's Archie. Then we went to a party at The Space Cave and hung out in a tent made of denim.
Day 9 - Austin TX. We went to Gay Bi Gay Gay and watched Purple Rhinestone Eagle for the second day in a row. They rule. Then we went back to the Space Cave, where Kayla smeared mud on the bodies of two men. They were asking for it though, literally. At around 9 PM we set off for Tulsa.
Day 10 - Tulsa OK. We hung out in a park and swang on swangs. We met an extremely old man with two extremely old dogs. The old man had never left Tulsa, and was nice. Me and kayla walked through a rose garden of sorts, but it was stupid. Then we went to the show at The Monolith. We played with a ball called "The Mono-ball" and laughed way more than people in their mid-20s playing with a ball should. There was a cute puppy there and a cool dude named Evan working the door. For some reason he seemed to like us and we became fast friends. Only 4 humans and one dog saw us play that night. We stayed at Evan's and tried to watch the Duck Tales movie.
Day 11 - Began our drive to Denver, CO. We slept in the van at a rest stop in Kansas and when we woke up, there was snow covering everything.
Day 12 - Denver, CO. We played at the 3 Kings Tavern. Immediately upon our arrival, we noted that there was a back room complete with a bucket full of icy cold beer, soda, and water. And a sign saying FUCK YOU IF YOU DRINK THIS AND AREN'T IN A BAND. not in so many words but you get it. Soooo we were pretty fucking ecstatic about that. Cuz you know how when you play at a bar, and you get free drinks, but you have to go up to the bar to get them and then you feel like an asshole not tipping the bartender? Well there was none of that here friends. None whatsoever. Oh, and free weed. We stayed at Kayla's cousin's house and got yelled at by her asshole landlord who was a fucked up old lady.
Day 13 - Provo, UT. When we woke up in Denver it was already snowing pretty heavily which sucked. We headed out but the roads were really bad. It took us so long to get to Provo that we missed the party we were supposed to play, and kids thought we were assholes. However, there were still some people there when we arrived, and we immediately started drinking any alcohol they had. I took a shot of their homemade pepper vodka, which was absolutely fucking disgusting. I hate pepper in the first place so I don't know what I was thinking. Me and Kayla beat some dudes at darts and then hung out with a mormon boy named Bret until 5 am.
Day 14 - Reno, NV. We played at the Eyeball which is a house that this rad kid named Donovan lives at. They had a Spring Fling party and it was REALLY FUN. Nate locked the keys in our van at one point, but a slim-jim man came from the house and helped us open it. This party fucking ruled.
Day 15 - Oakland, CA. It only took us about 3.5 hours to get home which was awesome. We had a party at Nate's house which is a fucking giant warehouse in east Oakland. The Squid Bros. Circus Sideshow performed, which was a guy and a girl dressed up sort of as weird clowns. Like, they had weird make up on and stuff but I wouldn't really call them "clowns". They entertained us with feats such as the nail walk and the sword swallow. There was a lot of fire involved as well, and when they were finished the man clown invited anyone willing to staple money to various parts of his body including his scrotum sack which I missed because I was in the other room for like 2 minutes. Fuck it all.
The End.
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